The Fine Art of Small Talk - Debra Fine (4.5 of 5 Weather Forecasts)

My sister Emily and I decided to team up this year to buy Christmas presents for the family.  Rather than tromping around the mall for several hours, we crashed the local Barnes and Noble to get everyone a book.  I think we were rather successful.  Everyone seemed pretty happy with our choices.  I picked out The Fine Art for myself.  I figured it was time to put an end to all those intensely awkward elevator rides at the Church Office Building...

I was quite impressed with this little gem of a book.  In the introduction the author confessed to having been the shy kid in the back of the class for most of her childhood.  In her early adulthood she decided that it was time to take a more proactive approach to small talk, acknowledging that successful chatting is a critical part of family gatherings, business meetings, dating, etc.  She now spends her time traveling across the country giving small talk seminars to large corporations such as IBM and Wells Fargo.

So I guess there's hope for me!  I enjoyed the book because it presents a healthy blend of general principles and specific advice.  Debra Fine teaches that there are two key things that we need learn in making small talk.  1 - Take the risk.  2 - Assume the burden.  We can't expect others to come to us.  We must go to them, regardless of the risk of embarrassment.  Once the conversation is going, we must assume the burden of keeping it going.  We shouldn't expect others to carry the conversation.  Successful small talk occurs when both people actively contribute to the conversation.

She starts with describing the importance of small talk, and then follows a conversation through from beginning to end, teaching successful techniques for starting conversations, finding interesting topics of discussion, overcoming awkward pauses, effective listening, and graceful exits.  I especially enjoyed her chapter, "Crimes and Misdemeanors."  She details the eight criminals of conversation:

1. The FBI Agent - Asks question after question without offering anything
2. The Braggart - Constantly boasts about his or her accomplishments, embellishing the truth
3. The One-Upper - Always tries to top anything you say
4. The Monopolizer - Refuse to give up the spotlight of conversation
5. The Interrupter - Can't wait to insert something into your discussion
6. The Poor Sport - Replies, "Nothing." to the question, "What did you do this weekend?"
7. The Know-It-All - Has no interest in anyone's opinions but his or her own
8. The Adviser - Offers advice where none is wanted 

I think we've all been guilty of at least one of these crimes, if not all at one time or another.  Recognition is the first step towards correcting bad behavior...  

I'd highly recommend this book to anyone wanted to brush up on their interpersonal skills.  I'm excited to try out my new knowledge in the elevator next week.  Would you like to join me?